I've met another girl, and as the pain-memories of my previous relationship (and its rather tragic end) have softened, a new love has blossomed. She's really quite good to me, though I'm unsure why anyone would see me like she does. I suppose, to be fair, I myself have changed a great deal. I like to think I'm a lot more level headed and less volatile than I used to be... it's not that the fight has been taken out of me, more that my methods have changed. 2011 has taught me a lot, maybe too much. But I'm a little happier.
SOME THINGS I KNOW NOW
- How to respond to my own needs more shrewdly and less self-destructively
- Conflict can be resolved pretty easily most of the time by realizing what folly it is in the first place.
- You only live so long, and you don't usually get to pick when you go, so you should really enjoy every moment you can.
- It is OK to be weak. Pretty much everyone is, no matter how they seem or what they have to say about it.
- In acknowledging weaknesses, I become stronger, because I know not to bring a knife to the proverbial gunfight.
- Love is precious in all of its forms, and only a fool thinks he can live without some small amount of it in his life.
- Surprising people with kindness and understanding is far more enjoyable to all involved than surprising them with cruelty and callousness.
- If you take off at a run and bull-rush the things you fear, they're usually not too frightening for too long.
- Death is a permanent, inevitable, and natural thing. We are not meant to love death, but to respect it and find a sort of peace in the fact that everything dies. It's not scary or depressing anymore.
- Nothing is worth committing suicide over.
I'm still searching for further meaning in my life, but my creativity has filled in a lot of that hole. Music has been flowing from me again, as well as sculpture, writing, and all kinds of other forms of expression. The future for me is still uncertain, but I feel for once like one way or another, things will probably be OK.
Is it cool to post here? I hope so. Reading this kind of eases my mind a bit. Sometimes it's nice to hear realistic, positive affirmation. Not platitudes (of which I am a great abuser, but a grounded statement that says "Hey. It's allright, man. It's not all that bad.". So, you know. Thanks and all.
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