New Years is Coming Up...

and this is the only time I am going to say anything about it or even acknowledge it outside of its magical way of leading toxic beverages to my digestive tract.

Here's some observations:

• Don't say you don't drink on New Years Eve. Not only is it untrue (what the fuck are you doing then), but it's just a horribly buzz-killing thing to say at a New Years party not sponsored by A.A. or a church.
• If you end up taking some snaggly-ass stranger to bed that night, remember that THIS IS HOW YOU WILL BEGIN YOUR NEW YEAR. Have irresponsible sex with someone at least acceptable.
• Tuxedo T-shirt. Just fucking do it.
• If you so much as consider bringing your pre-adolescent child to a New Years party not sponsored by A.A. or a church, I hope they're cool. If they're not cool, they're gonna get schooled.
• NEVER ASK BEFORE SPIKING ANY DRINKABLE LIQUID.

I plan to be out in the woods, somewhere in Chatham County, drunk, nude, and howling my ass off. I hope yours is just as fun.